Parading the Halls and Final Bows: May 16, 2017

Tuesday started out with my siblings and I putting our caps and gowns on at home before going to our elementary school senior breakfast. This was the first time we really officially got to wear them somewhere, and it was a strange experience. Preparing for the rest of that school day was easy, too, because my bag was lighter than usual. 

We arrived at W.A.Wright slightly earlier it was set to begin and checked in through the front office. There was a line of students and parents alike waiting to get verified to get inside. I guess we weren't supposed to already have our cap and gown on because no one else did. We chatted with those around us until we got to the front of the line to sign the sheet of paper saying we were there. From there we went into the hallway and picked up a name tag from the table outside of the cafeteria doors. The lady working at that desk must have been newly hired or maybe just didn't recognize us since we were older, but she said she didn't know us by our last names. The name tags were organized by your fifth grade homeroom class and it took me a hot second to remember who that was. After that we were welcomed into the gym where the reception was being held. From Point A to Point B there were many hugs and conversations exchanged with old and new friends and teachers. The gym and just the whole school had not changed in its appearance at all. The only thing different about the gym was the fact that we weren't using it to do the pacer test or dodge-ball. A table was set up for students to write their future plans on note cards, pictures were hung up from past yearbooks and events, and an assortment of food was made available. I snagged some fruit and chugged some orange juice until they prompted us to line up at the gym doors to prepare to walk through the hallways. Children excitedly lined the hallways with the typical graduation song playing over the intercom. The hallways hadn't changed much, but the people in them did. There were some of our former teachers, but many of them were new and that broke my heart. Kids reached out their hands for high fives and I bent down to be on their level as I passed by and in return gave them a high five back. Parents were interspersed recording their child marching through the halls one last time, while teachers reached out to some and embraced former students. We finished walking through the art hallway and went back to the gym for a while until we were told to leave. Back to school we went. My siblings and I checked in through the front office and went to first block for the remaining forty-five minutes or so left in class. My first block is AP Government, but since the year was basically over no one was there and we didn't do anything in there or in any class except choir. So I am just going to fast forward to next most important event of the day-- the choir concert.

I couldn't help but be emotional thinking about how this would be my last time on stage as a high school student. Choir had been my life since sixth grade. And I know there's choirs in college, at church, and literally everywhere, but it's just not the same. I slipped on my velvety, gold-accented Vocal Ensemble dress (which never actually belonged to me in the first place) for one final time. It might not have been my favorite dress to wear, but symbolically it meant more than just a piece of clothing. It was a testament to my hard work, perseverance, and all the wonderful memories I made this year with Vocal Ensemble. I struggled to put on my character shoes as I always do, and swung all my hair over my left shoulder. My sister and I wished our dad and brothers goodbye as they headed off to the Predators game. And you know, my heart broke a little knowing neither my mom or dad would be at our last choir concert. But eventually our aunt picked us up and took us to the school to get us there at 6:30 to warm-up in the choir room. We were running a few minutes behind, so we bolted in through the side choir doors, I dropped all my stuff in the fine arts hallway, and sprinted through the green room doors and walked behind the risers to get to my spot. We were practicing our madrigal pieces with the orchestra at the time, and I think by the end of the year I have mastered the art of just jumping into singing a song even when you weren't there to hear all of it because that's what I did. Afterwards we joined the rest of the choirs in the choir room, ran through some other pieces. Matt led the group in a voluntary prayer and we wrapped our arms around each other and sang the alma mater. This was one of the many times I started to get teary-eyed. I stood right next to Mrs. Elliott and she could tell I was getting upset and just looked at me with a smile on her face and gave me a reassuring hug. The choirs were dismissed one at a time, and Vocal Ensemble was called second to line up in the back of the theater to prepare to sing the national anthem. We formed a circle in the back left area of the theater. I'm not sure where originally I was standing, but I noticed that Kaylie and Grace were across from me and they're sopranos so I rushed to be by their side. They were holding hands and Kaylie reached out to grab mine. Once we began, I looked around and everyone was holding hands now. I don't know, but in that moment I just felt something unique. I thought that this group really was, really is, special. And in that moment I wished I didn't have to leave. By the end I was just mouthing the words so it didn't sound like I was gonna cry. But there was no time to dwell on emotions, because L.O.V.E choir was the next group to perform so VE split up and went to stand on their separate risers. I get up there and look into the audience, expecting to only see my aunt there to support me. The first person I spotted was my youth director, Matt Reynolds. My jaw dropped. Just hours ago he had told me he wouldn't be able to make it because he was attending Hume Fogg's graduation, but there he was. Then I saw Madi, my best friend, who I hadn't really got to see since she got back from Utah a couple weeks ago. It was crazy to think about how just a year ago she was on this stage, too.

So the concert started, and let me just tell you, character shoes make your feet hurt when you're standing for almost the whole concert. The most difficult part of the first half of the concert was making it through "Blessing in the Leaving". Prior to when we started singing, they were having difficulty getting the memorial slideshow for Luke to start, so I was mouthing to Mrs. Elliott asking if she wanted me to go back there, she nodded. I ran down the stage steps, in front of the audience, and back to the booth to see what the problem was. It looked like they had every switch flipped and everything plugged in. Without hesitation Mrs. Grossman also summoned Coleton back to booth then it dawned on me (or maybe Coleton said it, I honestly don't remember): they didn't drag the screen over for the video to be displayed on the projector. And of course, that was the only problem. We both quickly made our way back to our spots in a completely silent theater. The clanking of the heels of my character shoes echoed throughout the room. Then I shifted my focus to Matt. My eyes occasionally averted to the slideshow playing behind him, but I did my best to keep my attention on him. Nothing hurts more than seeing your best friend in pain. I could see him trying so hard to direct with a smile on his face, but even then it was apparent that he couldn't keep it all the way together. And that was what destroyed me. Although I did not know Luke well, I did know him. This whole year that song also made me think of my mom. The words to "Blessing in the Leaving" go like this:

In the leaving

in the letting go

let there be this

to hold onto

at the last:

the enduring of love

the persisting of hope

the remembering of joy

the offering of gratitude

the receiving of grace

the blessing of peace. 

Even though I don't think it was meant to be interpreted this way, I always focused on the part that said "let there be this to hold onto at the last". This meaning music. Music was my mother and I's strongest connection. She also supported me more than anyone else in all my musical endeavors and was at every choir function she could attend. But anyway, back to the concert. Most of us contained our emotions to the best of our abilities for the sake of Luke's parents in attendance, and we concluded the first half of the concert with that song. Choir kids dispersed after that song and ran towards the bathrooms quickly to change into their more informal attire for the second half of the show. The highlights of the second half would have to be the guys "meow"ing in "Stray Cat Strut", Nathan out of nowhere hitting the high notes in "It's Raining Men" and making Mrs. Ell silently die of laughter, and performing "Love Shack". "Love Shack" was a pain the BUTT to learn because there is so much going on at once, but as it all came together it actually ended up being pretty great. It's amazing how even if things come together at the very last minute it still ends up being okay. We won't even really talk about the senior song because I am not even too sure how I feel about it. There was so much going on in that time frame that all I remember is that we were not in sync and I wasn't really crying like I thought I would be. Maybe the reason was that I didn't know all the words therefore I wasn't as emotionally attached to the song as I was last year. What I do remember, though, is that I made the senior slideshow too freakin' long and it was still going after the song had ended. But I guess that was okay. It gave everyone a chance to look at the last few slides of baby pictures and they clapped for each person. All the alumni joined the current students on stage for the alma mater. It was over. The last concert had ended. Post-concert chaos is always a sight to see; underclassmen running around everywhere hugging seniors, families getting their child to pose for pictures, people try to clean up and put away the equipment while no one around them moves, etc.. I gave so many people hugs and tried to console those that were upset yet it all didn't feel like it was the end.

And where do you go celebrate a successful last concert? Obviously Waffle House. Many of us piled into Kaylie's car, where she took us to the one in Providence. Man, did we FILL up that place. I walked in and it was already packed with choir students. I sat at a table with Dalton, Laura, and Amaila. The only thing I ordered was a Mr. Pibb honestly. I don't think I could've ate anymore food that day if I wanted to. It almost felt like something out of dream; time didn't seem to pass at the same rate as the rest of the day did. There was lots of laughter, delusional jokes, and singing every now and then. We only stayed for a little bit over an hour, I made it home around midnight, went to sleep. It hit me as I was closing my eyes to rest just how much I was going to miss them. Again, the emotions would just have to wait because the next days we had an in-school performance. 

May 16th was a long day filled with happy endings, and revisiting old memories. Everything seemed to come full circle. It made me realize just how blessed I have been not only this year, but every year. You know, I've grown up hearing that high school will be some of the worst years of your life, but I guess maybe I just got lucky. Actually, no, I wasn't lucky, because it was all part of God's plan. I couldn't be any more thankful for the people He put in my life to lift me up and support me since the beginning. These will be the things I hold onto at the last.